Adam Sandler's Amazing Death-o-rama!!!

A few days ago, I saw a trailer for some new film starring every one's favorite walking box office flop, Adam Sandler! Now, I don't think I need to tell you that almost every film Adam Sandler has been in has been... How can I say this nicely?... Ah, yes, complete and utter rubbish. But that's not really what I'm hear to talk about today. Today, I want to talk about one particular moment I saw in the trailer that really got me thinking.

At one point Adam Sandler is talking to his friend, whom I'll call Discount Jim Carrey because I don't care enough to google his actual name. Anywho, this is what Adam Sandler said:

Adam Sandler: I faked our deaths.

And that got me thinking, how would I react if Adam Sandler told me that? Confusion? Fear? Musing that Adam Sandler's career already died like ten years ago? Pondering how Adam Sandler got into my house despite the multiple restraining orders I've filed against him? I don't know, but Discount Jim Carrey just goes right back to hanging out with Adam Sandler like the first class tool he is. 

So, in honor of Adam Sandler's fake death, I decided to write him a fake obituary, and here it is in all it's glory:

Adam Sandler, the legendary scam artist actor died today in a freak accident during a game of Buzkashi, an exotic Afghan sport involving horse riders dragging goat carcasses toward the goal, presumably so the winner can marry said goat carcass. Mr. Sandler, whose film credits include the legendary Jack and Jill and Click, was understandably mistaken for the goat carcass. He leaves behind a number of adoring fans, cheering that there will never be any more Adam Sandler films. 

So, what do you think? Oh well. Whatever the case, I'm sure this film will be a load of cat vomit a masterpiece, and I will definitely not watch it. 

In conclusion, feel free to write your own fake obituary for Adam Sandler in the comments below. Bye for now! 

Update: I just found out that Discount Jim Carrey was actually David Spade, the star of my favorite movie, The Emperor's New Groove. Why David, why?!